The long kiss Goodbye

When I was fresh out of Uni, was having a secret affair with a hot white North American colleague in the office. We'd go out drinking after work, secretly make out in alleyways... pretend it never happened. Did it again on and off for years... 

He was a wonderful kisser and his abs... omg I still dream about it. I remember this clear vision of him brushing his teeth wearing just grey Hanes briefs and his body looked so good... I'd scuttle home in secret at 5am. We weren't out and proud back then, just cloaked in shame and secrecy and always afraid of being caught. You all know what that's like. Well, except new gen, you're lucky its not as bad as it used to be.  

Its been more than 20 years (since we first started SBM in fact) now and we slowly lost touch after I switched jobs and he didn't want to hook up in secret.  

Recently heard he's passed and I've just been so glum, haunted by our memories. Was watching Red, White and Blue and that secret first kiss and all the memories came flooding back and was crying, and crying watching this comedy. I remember how much his French kisses had a whiff of coffee. How he got hard if I ever touched his thigh. How he'd pull my collar to go in for a hug. He was carrying this box once and his t-shirt rode up and i'd see his abs and that 'v' shape of his athlete body - he was a runner and cyclist. I remember... everything. 

Wherever you are now my first luv, I hope you are finally happy and at peace. In another lifetime, we'll have our happily ever after. Until then, rest easy. 

xx

Ash

UPDATE: Thank you for all your kind words. SBM essentially is a community. I don't feel alone. x